I had another post for today but I must share this with you. I turned 18 on February 3rd, 1999 and I wanted nothing more then to runaway! I had been saving money since I turned 15. Which I did and this post is the handwritten letter written to me on February 16th,1999 by my late maternal grandmother, Rosemary. She meant the world to me & if it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I would have grown-up to be the woman, mother, friend, sibling, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, partner, etc. and SO MUCH MORE that I have become today! However, I am only 34 with so much more wisdom, perspective, inspiration, motivation, independence, growth, and that list is never ending because of my Gran! She impacted my life from my childhood years, teen years, to parenting, marriage, divorce even, fights with my parents, plus never was I judged as I battled addiction from the depths of hell, then when my health plummeted like the stock market on a bad day (even when I fell ill due to my own selfish reasons), she was by my side through the GOOD,
BAD, & UGLY.
My “Gran” had it ALL and that isn’t giving her the credit she DESERVES even after her passing in October 2013, I still “talk“to her daily or ask God to help me out by letting her know I’m still following her advice in one sense or another.
I am finally ready to SHARE this letter with any & all that are ready to:
- Understand the meaning of reading a piece of material with more than your eyes
- Respecting how this letter is more than well a “letter,” & my heart and soul felt that by sharing this gift that I could be giving another ( even if it’s 1 person), more than they imagined when they began reading
- Gaining a bit more knowledge of this blogger and if not then possibly insight to their own souls/heart
- Lastly, if the only thing you end up with after finishing the post is an emotion/feeling you can’t begin to explain then in my opinion I feel that means to pass this post on so others can have that moment so few ever experience in their entire existence.
I must add that I didn’t reach that true experience or understanding when I 1st read this. It might take some multiple times to feel something. NOBODY WILL HAVE THE SAME EMOTION OR WHATEVER IT MIGHT BE FOR EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL BECAUSE IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. IF SO THEN I THINK SOMEBODY’S LYING.
I tried to grow up before my time. This letter is a treasure to me because I didn’t see what my own greed was doing to not just others, ESPECIALLY my family: mom,dad,little sister, my grandmother, but my heart was slowly being harden, & I might never know the full damage I caused.
Please accept this gift from my heart to yours. You are encouraged to regift by sharing. ❤️💖💜💌
Share the love! Good night all!!!
Tonight I feel as if my heart is torn and broken into. You are so very special to me. The first years of your life you lived here at my house. Then Steve came along and fell in love with you and your mother. I was so happy because I knew God had answered my prayers, that God send Steve to love you and Dania and provide a safe & protected home.
You have so much going for you. You are very pretty & smart, and so well liked, it is hard for me to understand how you could foolishly act as if you don’t even have a family. I have always told you are spoiled but I know down deep in my heart you are a good person.
You are in such a hurry to face adult life. “Don’t ,” all 18 yr should be thinking about standing on their own, and making plans for their first apt. of their own. But Jen you know there’s a right way and a wrong way. You chose the
WRONG WAY, I only hope & pray that your choice to be sneaky and cruel will not follow you the rest of your life. I refuse to believe that you could be happy and proud of yourself, simply because you have hurt so many, especially Lindsey (my little sister), your mom & dad. I’m having a very hard time understanding why you did not even want to call me and tell me what was going on. I have never judged or downed you. I have always took up for you. I thought I was your friend, I guess I was totally wrong.
Jennifer someday you will come to realize that everything you do affects others,
When you don’t trust and respect yourself, well how can you even believe & trust ANYONE ELSE!
God gave you the following:
- HE MADE YOU SMART
- NOW WHAT GOD DID DO?
He let our souls and hearts make the FINAL CHOICE, He said you make THE FINAL……SAY SO
- First choice, you might face, is following the WAY OF THE WORLD
- Best advice here, I would prefer sunshine, love, rainbows, luck, and nothing but POSITIVITY!!!
- We are all Gods children but my experience left me down at my lowest point ALLOWING rock bottom hitting like a MASSIVE hurricane. IF YOU leaving the ALMIGHTY GOD, the father who will always, LOVE YOU FOR YOU BUT NEVER FORGET, his love is constant through it all but you have to face consequences because a sin is sin!
NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE along with the crazy enormous cruel, crazy, disrespect, and so forth, my gran did the top 3 things of ANY grandmother:
- Love me while waiting 9 months to join the family & world
- Loved me unconditionally, even after mixing cake batter 1st time & covered the kitchen top to bottom with chocolate cake mix. Oops.
- The #1 top thing is WELL EVERYTHING FROM BIRTH TO AFTER HER PASSING. No matter how much hurt or worry I caused she made sure I ALWAYS & I mean ALWAYS, her love was unconditional!!!
I will always be her
-2nd she witness my first steps
-3rd she was even there after losing my 1st tooth
-4th finally, she was there for my VERY 1st WORDS!
I remember when your mom would get home, I would get out the backseat & to the door yelling, “Gran, Gran, ready for my hug.“
Now that you are all grownup and already starting out on a slippery slope! I only want you the BEST for you, and you to be HAPPY, but instead of happiness for you, I am filling scared & uneasy for you.
Jen, no matter how you justify or even try to deny you have done anything wrong, YOU CAN’T start a new beginning based on lies and hurt. If you are BIG enough plus OLD enough to move out on your own, then you should at least be BIG enough to be HONEST with your own FAMILY !!!
Do not try to push away your family because NO MATTER WHAT you do or say about us, we will ALWAYS & FOREVER BE YOUR FAMILY AND LOVE YOU,
I will ALWAYS be here if you need me & I LOVE YOU!